Tuesday, September 04, 2007

A Land Fit For Zeroes

Golly, I call the University of Ottawa "the U of Owe" and "The U of Zero", and my wife and I add some $16,000 a year to its tuition coffers. And I call Carleton University "Cartoon U". I hold a genuine Master's degree from there. My wife's a grad of Cow College or U of Goo (the University of Guelph). I dropped out of Rye High (Ryerson) but graduated from the University of Waterloo, which, I don't believe, has a nickname I can print.
I thought it's normal to make running jokes like that.
Look, everyone just take a Valium.
(All prescriptions filled, of course, by grads of U of T, or do I have to spell it out for you?)

1 comment:

MA said...

U of Owe..No kidding, times 3. Thought you'd like this..


Q: How many Queen's students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A:ONE, but it never really gets done. He holds the bulb up and waits for the world to revolve around him.

Q: How many Ryerson students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Haha,..trick question - Ryerson isn't a real university!

Q: How many Lakehead students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Thunder Bay doesn't have electricity, remember?

Q: How many Guelph students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: SEVEN. One to screw it in and 6 to figure out how to power it on manure

Q: How many U of T students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: TWO. One to change the lightbulb and one to crack under the pressure.

Q: How many Algonquin students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Only ONE. But he gets 6 credits for it.

Q: How many Laurentian students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Sudbury looks better in the dark.

Q: How many Waterloo students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: FIVE. One to design a nuclear-powered one that never needs changing, one to figure out how to power the rest of Waterloo using that nuclear-lightbulb, two to install it, and one to write the computer program that controls the wall switch.

Q: How many Western students does it to change a lightbulb?
A: FIVE. One to change the lightbulb and four to find the perfect JCREW outfit to wear for the occasion.

Q: How many McMaster students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: TWO. One to change the bulb and the other to say loudly how he did it as well as any Queen's student.

Q: How many Carleton students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: TWO. One to change the bulb and one to complain about how, if they were at a better school, the lightbulb wouldn't go out.

Q: How many McGill students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: ONE. But SHE can't do it on Friday night.

Q: How many Brock students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: SEVEN. One to change the bulb and six to throw a party because he didn't screw it in upside down this time.

Q: How many Mt.Allison students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: FIVE. One to do it and 4 to be in the Macleans photo of it.

Q: How many UVic students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: None. Lava lamps don't burn out man!

Q: How many UBC students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: FOUR. One to do it and three to translate the instructions.

Q: How many Laurier students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: All of them. They make it a campus affair.

Q: How many University of Manitoba students does it take to change a lightbulb? A: Ummmmm,...huh? There's a university in Manitoba?

Q: How many York University students does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: THREE. One to take directions from the science student, the science student and one to philosophise about life as a lightbulb.

And last, but not least:

Q: How many University of Ottawa students does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: ONE. What? did you think we were stupid!?