Sunday, February 24, 2008

The "asshole" factor in politics

Canadians are doomed to have assholes for leaders. Yes, it took 10 years of post-secondary education to come up with this theory. Think about it: all four federal party leaders are complete assholes. Can you imagine spending a week in a cottage with any of them? Would you want any of them as a business partner? As a date?
Brian Mulroney was an asshole and a crook. John Turner was a lush who was very much an asshole when he was drunk. Kim Campbell was an asshole airhead. Paul Martin, Joe Clark, Pierre Trudeau? Fill in the blank: -------. I could go on.
Jean Chretien was not a complete asshole per se, but compared to Madame Chretien, he was a bit of a goof. I met Madame a few times and I would have voted for her any day.
Steven Harper? Complete asshole. Ill-mannered little twit who definitely can't punch above his weight. Not nearly as much of an asshole as Stockwell Day and not anywhere in the same league of assholes as Preston Manning, but still a miserable, bad-temepered and vindictive little shit who started off as a computer geek before taking up "anger as politics".
Dalton McGuinty? Asshole. (What is it about people with bully-bait names like Stockwell, Preston and Dalton that attract them to politics? Intesting factoid: Dalton was named after his dad. So was Preston. Preston's real name is Ernest, just like his pa.)
Dalton replaced Ernie Eves (bad name, social-climbing asshole), who replaced Mike Harris (mean-assed asshole) who replaced Bob Rae (unprincipled asshole) who replaced David Peterson (not quite a complete ashole) who replaced Frank Miller (used car salesman hick asshole) who replaced Bill Davis (maipulative small-town Rotarian asshole). You think these guys are idiots? Take a look at the asshole factor in politics in the Maritimes, Quebec and the West.
Seriously. Do we elect assholes because we can't trust smart, socially-able people to run things? Do we think we'll be hornswoggled by people who have the brains to be manager of a suburban Home Depot? Do people who have anything going for them simply dodge politics?
Or are we just electing people who are just like us? Are we, when it comes down to it, a nation of chumps, fools and assholes with the simple good luck of being born on top of a huge stash of oil, gold, diamonds, trees and water?


skippystalin said...

I'm just sorry that write-ins aren't allowed in Canadian elections. I think that it's time that we elect Paul Bernardo prime minister and get it over with.

It would be much better to do it intentionally now than later and by accident

Ottawa Watch said...

It would make for good copy.
We haven't heard the last of old Paul. Just like Charlie Manson, he'd be a hit on all the talk shows and would pull at least six figures for a book/movie deal.

Anonymous said...

Will Ferguson's Bastards and Boneheads said it much, much better.

300baud said...

If all the smart, altruistic, sane people went into politics, who would run the Real World?

Patrick Ross said...

It reminds me the Team America: World Police asshole/dick/pussy analogy.

If we accept your assertion that most politicians are assholes (that's a big "if"), we've got a lot here to amuse ourselves with.

After all, what would Stephane Dion be other than a pussy? How about Jean Charest? I like the guy, but he's a bit of a pussy.

I guess the one thing I would disagree with you regarding is Stephen Harper. I don't think he's an asshole. He's a dick.

And sure, maybe pussies get mad at dicks because dicks fuck them. But we need those dicks to fuck assholes like Gilles Duceppe and Dalton McGuinty so they don't shit all over our dicks and our pussies.

By the by, Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton? Both pussies. But John McCain? That guy's a dick.

Anonymous said...

The ah factor in politics is in its worst form at the Municipal level, especially Toronto. Money-grubbing, lying, ego-centric, manipulative, weasel-acting and butt-kissing are only a few adjectives to describe the ah-ness of Toronto's 45 so-called representatives. And yes, its our fault for electing them in the first place. Assholes.

Horst Badordies said...

In the famous words of Lord Dark Helmet in the Mel Brooks film Spaceballs - "I knew it all along, I'm surrounded by assholes!"
I couldn't have said it better myself.
It is truly unfortunate however, that in this ever unfolding drama these "assholes" haven't the ability to bend over and see it for themselves.

Anonymous said...

I am old enough to remember a time when ALL politicians weren't assholes, although a lot of them were. Most of the ones I hear or read about today are not only assholes, but ignorant, arrogant assholes as well.

I'd love to hear some opinions - not rants - backed up by some facts, identifying politicians that weren't assholes.

Contact me at my Gmail address and I will pick out the ones I think worthy and place them in an article on my blog - Email me at