Monday, May 26, 2008

Three hundred measley bucks?

I get tons of scam e-mail on my Yahoo account. Today's is priceless:

From: "Johnson Dan"
Subject: Assassination Notice


Hi friend,

I have been paid by someone to assassinate you and also ensure that your family is hunted down. It sounds like a joke, right? But I must tell you that my boys are watching every move you make and are ready to execute but are only waiting for my orders.

I have been giving every information about you, so if you run away, your family will have no place to run to.

I assassinate to make money not necessarily to kill people. As a business man, I am only alerting you to see if you can buy your life with just a token of US$300 (three hundred US dollars).Only then will I reveal to you the person that sent me and every other detail about him.

This is not a trait, it is real and any delay from you to reply will mean giving me a quick order to my job.

This should be kept confidential, for any attempt to inform anyone will mean putting yourself in a bigger risk.

My dear, if I were you I will pay this little sum for it is nothing compared to losing your beloved family. Think about it or face me.



Dan Johnson

UPDATE


How much? I am so afraid. How do I pay?

M Bourrie



To: M Bourrie

I like you for being reasonable and because of that I will spare your life and reveal to you the person that sent me this if only you follow the following instruction on how to make the payment;

Send the money through Western Union Money Transfer or Money Gram.



Receiver's name .. Jumbo Okechukwu P.

Address 14 Chukwudara, Port Harcourt

Rivers State

Country Nigeria.



Send me the control number from the bank and every other detail on how I should make the withdrawal.

Do this immediately for my boys over there are hungry for blood and remember that delay is dangerous. Remember you must keep this confidential.

Good luck.

To Dan Johnson

Can I send you $200 and you can have my 32-year-old son who has never worked a day in his life and is too ugly and stupid to get married?

Mark Bourrie




From Mr Bobuma
Abidjan,Cote d'ivoire
West africa.


Dear One,
l am introducing my self,l am bobuma Rosomaka,the only son of late Chief and Mrs Edward, I wish to request for your assistance in a financial transaction. And I wish to invest in Manufacturing and real estate management in your country.

I have Fifteen million Five houndred thousand united states dollars.USD($15,500,000) to invest in your country, and I will require your assistance in receiving the funds in your personal/company account for investment,

I will compensate you with 20% for your effort in assisting me.
please it is very important you contact me immediately through me for further explanation and conversation on how we will proceed. Awaiting your immediate response. Thanks and God bless.

Best Regards
Bobuma


Dear Mr. Bobuma

Can you send $300 of that money to:



Receiver's name .. Jumbo Okechukwu P.

Address 14 Chukwudara, Port Harcourt

Rivers State

Country Nigeria.





UPDATE

To Mark Bourrie from Dan Jonson

The only way I could consider you is to allow you pay what you can afford, this will show you that I really want to spare your life but anything less than paying what you can afford will mean giving me the power to unleash my boys. Whatever you wish to pay, pay it now or you face me. I like you for being reasonable and because of that I will spare your life and reveal to you the person that sent me this. Follow the following instruction on how to make the payment;

Send the money through Western Union Money Transfer or Money Gram.



Receiver's name .. Jumbo Okechukwu P.

Address 14 Chukwudara, Port Harcourt

Rivers State

Country Nigeria .



Send me the control number from the bank and every other detail on how I should make the withdrawal.

Do this immediately for my boys over there are hungry for blood and remember that delay is dangerous. Remember you must keep this confidential.

Good luck.



To Dan Johnson

The national currency of my country is the Timbit. There are 20 Timbits to the US dollar so, since we have agreed upon a price of $200 plus the useless son, I will send you 4000 Timbits. You may need to find a bank that will convert this to the curency of Nigeria.

thanks fo not killing me (yet).


To Mark Bourrie


All I need from you is to send me the information on how I should receive the money from any bank,using the information I provided you.You are delaying me from my job.Send the information fast.

Dan Johnson.


To Dan Johnson


I still need to know whether I can pay you in Timbits.

Mark Bourrie

follo-up

Dear Dr. Johnson,



I have sent you, in the Currency of My Country, Canada, one large Double-Double and Twenty Timbits. That should prove satisfying to your demands.



Western Union Number is:



GO4IT4URNA-0#1 CLass A



To Mark Bourrie

You are toying with your life.

Dan Johnson

6 comments:

Bob said...

I don't know, you might want to take this trait seriously.

Mr. Johnson appears to be a very traitening fellow.

Anonymous said...

He's after me too!

I looked up the UK police's guidelines for reporting email blackmail - they appear not to care.

Anonymous said...

So, if he will take $300 to call off the hit, and he is strictly in this for the money, then $300 must represent a bigger payday than the hit job. I would assume he is looking for at least one third more, so he is likely getting in the $200-$230 range. And he has a team of guys, watching you 24/7. They must cost at least minimum wage, so if we figure three guys at $7 each, there goes all his hit salary and then some. Maybe you should do him a favour and hire him to hit himself before he is destitute.

MJMartin said...

Those are great prices! When did Walmart get in the hit game??

I could trait of a few people at those prices.

Anonymous said...

Damn! I can't wait to see how this turns out!

Will Daniel accept the Timbits and the ne'er-do-well son?

Will he balk and send his hungry boys after Mark?

Will Mark elude them long enough to collect $15.5-million from susprise Nigerian benefactor?

Is surprise Nigerian benefactor ashamed of the antics of his countryman, thus offering up such wealth in compensation?

Will surprise benefactor realize Mark asked him to funnel a pittance to his bloodthirsty countryman, thus saving Mark's life?

Will angry Daniel track down the Nigerian benefactor, once it sinks in that Mark has but a few measley Canadian Timbits to offer, compared with millions that are probably right next door?

Gad, I can't wait til tomorrow ....

Mack the Hack said...

Has all the markings of a good old-fashioned cinema serial, like they used to run before the main feature...or perhaps...'tune in next week, same bat-time, same bat-channel.'